This is an intellectual spin off from Emily Goes Blogging. You can find Emily's original blog at http://emilygoesblogging17.blogspot.com

Sunday, August 4, 2013

That Feeling

I recently saw my classroom for the first time. Let me tell you what it felt like.

Pretend you're at an amusement park. There is a massive roller coaster ride in the very center of the park. You stand at the base of the ride, looking up. The ride disappears into the clouds above you. You watch people get off the ride, either whooping for joy or barfing their brains out. You decide to buy a ticket for the ride.

The anticipation builds. You stand in line, playing the waiting game. You finally get on the ride and the attendant straps you in ever so carefully.

Then it starts. You feel the cart cranking slowly on the upward spiral. A second feels like a minute. The uphill feels like forever. You sit in the cart waiting. Anticipation is once again the closest thing in your mind. Your heart threatens to beat itself out of your chest. Then finally, the drop begins. Your stomach hides in your esophagus as you feel gravity take hold. There is no more anticipation. You're only flying now. You don't know if you should scream and let go of the handles, or clench your jaw and wrap your arms into a death like pretzel grip around them.

Then the ride comes to a stop. You get off and look around at everyone else. Some will look how you feel. Some will seem oblivious. And some go back for more.

The experience is a mixture of patience, fear, timidness, anxiety, excitement, anticipation, hope, and enjoyment.

This is what it feels like to be a new teacher, opening a new school, with only a month left until the school year starts. This is what it feels like when you're itching to fill a classroom with all your creativity and knowledge for the new year but you can't because you can't get the keys to your classroom yet. This is what it feels like to write curriculum and bond with new people. This is what it feels like when the "to do" lists are longer than the "it's done" lists. This is what it feels like when you lie awake at night listening to your heart beat as your mind whirls a million miles a minute, planning, thinking, readying for the year to start.

As you lay awake for hours, you realize that you haven't even gotten on the ride yet. You're still waiting in line to get on the roller coaster. It is the unknown-ness of the ride that gets your heart and stomach fluttering. There is part unadulterated excitement and part worry. Either way, it is going to be the thrill of a lifetime.

This face should explain it all:



Feeling Humbled

The countdown has begun...only a month left until school starts! Recently I made a donation page on gofundme.com asking for help in gathering money so I could buy children's books for my classroom. 

When I first posted the link to the donation page, I had a preconceived idea of who might donate. However, my preconceived idea was completely wrong. I got donations from people that I thought were long gone from my circle. In the course of going to college, my friends from home all moved away and grew up. It was not until I received donations from two special people from my past that I realized that maybe my circle was bigger than I thought. Or maybe the higher power of children was the true meaning. 

Despite my ramblings, I am completely humbled at how many people want to support my dreams, my future, and my students' future. Humanity constantly surprises me, and for that I am glad.